Marriage – Smart couples avoid these like the plague! In our society, we have rules, expectations and guidelines when it comes to love relationships. Things like shared sexual orientation and sexual faithfulness, for example, are a few unwritten rules of the dating world.
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Such expectations and assumptions also exist in the world of marriage. Television and media spoon feeds us what we expect as “typical and normal,” so we often turn a blind eye to things that are actually going on in the relationship.
As a couples, marriage and family therapist, I have seen many couples fall apart, because one or both parties were assuming certain things, either about the other person or about the relationship. We all have a tendency to fall into patterns and routines in relationships, so when something shifts … it’s like the rug has been pulled out from under us.
Instead of talking about things and embracing change, we get stuck in old notions and beliefs which, at the core, are a threat to the foundation of our relationship status quo.
We don’t feel supported in our need and desire for change, we don’t feel accepted and acknowledged for our differences, and we yet we also become fearful and threatened when we see changes in our partner.
Over time in marriage, we stop feeling curious about our partner’s process and begin to hide things from each other, secrets which can sometimes become too big for the relationship to hold at bay.
Here are 5 assumptions and expectations many couples enter into marriage with that can actually ruin the success of the relationship:
1. Your partner will remain the same person forever.
We assume our partner will remain the same person they were the day we married them. That very special day when people get married, and are on the same page, hopefully about so many things. Together, they look forward to the future.
Many couples falsely expect their partner to continue to hold on to the same beliefs, desires, goals, and interests as the day they married. So, it scares them when they start noticing changes in our partner.
By recognizing that our partner will change, daily, monthly, and yearly, and that their goals and interests may change, we learn to appreciate and support that growth, and we set up our relationships for success.
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