8. They are elusive, sneaky, frequently working or tired, and may disappear for periods.
9. They are seductive with you but make empty promises — their behavior and words don’t match.
10. They send mixed messages, flirt with others, or don’t give a straight answer — you’re always trying to “decode” what they really mean.
11. They’re narcissistic, only considering themselves and not your needs.
12. They throw you emotional crumbs or enticing hints of their potential to be loving, then withdraw.
At first, some of these signs may be more obvious than others. It’s tricky — We tend to show our best selves in the honeymoon stage of a romance. It can take time for a person’s unavailability to emerge.
One patient lamented, “I need a crystal ball. The first few months of a courtship, a man is so attentive, caring, passionate.” Partially, she’s right, but it’s also true that we tend to see what we want to see. That’s why it’s eye-opening to look at a partner’s relationship history. Who he or she was previously with reveals volumes about their capacity for intimacy now. Beware of rationalizing, “I’m different. This person would never be that way with me.”
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