If you’re tired of complaining to your spouse, try these 3 things instead

2. X (+) Y= Z.

Rather than complaining about always being late, it may be more effective to let them know how their behavior or quirk makes you feel. When you do “x” and “y” it makes me feel like “z”. For example, “when you are late” + “don’t call” it makes me feel = “that you don’t care.” This is really a neat way of letting your spouse know what is bothering you and allowing them to know how you feel…but much more effective than just, “You are always late.”

3. Stay on the same side.

Whether intentional or not, complaints separate the couple into the categories of the accused and the accuser. It places one one spouse lower than the other. So when complaining is removed from our relationship, we gain the ability to walk side by side rather than assigning rank.