Relationship expert and counsellor popularly known as Bunmi has shared a story of a lady, Aishat Ojodu, who regrets marrying her husband.
The lady said she only married her husband because she got pregnant for him and considered ab0rtion as really dangerous.
She wrote
“Dear Bunmi, I got married about nine months ago – but I now feel I’ve made a terrible mistake. I wasn’t particularly in love with my husband but I was pregnant, already 25 and has a good job.
I confided in my mom and she counselled that abortion might be dangerous. So, I went ahead and got married only for me to miscarry shortly after the wedding. Now I feel trapped. I’m not sure I want to spend the rest of my life with my husband.
The problem is me, as there isn’t anything wrong with my husband. We don’t have that much in common and he’s an introvert, while I enjoy going out. I feel trapped and now regret not having that abortion.
Our sex life is suffering, as he no longer turns me on. When I try to confide in my mom, she advises me to hang in there, as marriage is for life. I wish I were happy again.
Aishat, Ojodu”
However, the relationship expert replied:
“Dear Aishat,
There’s no pretending this isn’t a mess, but you won’t deal with it by regretting what is over and done with. So, take a positive view. You would certainly hurt a lot of people if you packed in your marriage now, but there are no children to consider and you and your husband are young enough to make a new start.
Whatever belief you have been brought up with, few people today believe wives or husbands should be forced to live in misery. You need to talk to your husband but don’t start by telling him you wish you’d never got married.
Explain that you’re having difficulty adjusting, and that you’re sorry if he’s upset too, particularly about your sex life.
He’s bound to suspect something has changed about your feelings towards him, so just owning up may bring you closer. May be he has his own doubts and fears, and if the two of you can be honest with each other, you may find a common ground. Before you make a break from your marriage, find out if it’s your man that scares you or marriage itself.
You didn’t mention anything about love, so ask yourself whether you really care for him, and if you could live without him.
Even if you eventually leave your husband, you need to uncover the reason behind your behaviour, so you don’t make the same mistake again. In the end, remember this is your life you’re planning – you owe it to yourself to be happy.”
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