2. Help her de-stress
This shouldn’t come as a surprise, but it’s hard for her to get in the mood when she’s under a mountain of stress. “When we’re under stress, we’re primarily designed to not seek out pleasure,” Thomas says. “It’s a survival instinct. Something is wrong, so we have to fix it!”
It sounds simple enough, but Thomas says the key is to help her de-stress in a constructive way—not just help her check off boxes on her endless to-do list. “If she says she can’t relax because she has to clean the bathroom, that’s not necessarily your cue to clean the bathroom,” Thomas explains. “It probably wouldn’t hurt, but once you’re done she’ll remember that she has to clean the kitchen, and so forth. It’s less about cleaning the house, and more about helping her see that a clean house doesn’t need to take priority over the relationship.” So pursue that track with her—you’re happy to clean up once you’ve had some quiet time with her.
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