My heart flew up into my chest and I was cut short of breath. I struggled to compose myself as I hurriedly clicked back on his profile page and found the last thing he had posted himself before his death. It simply said, “Seeking advice before my first time?” and it was posted the day Shawn had blew his brains out.
At this point I really didn’t want to click..I, myself, didn’t want to go any further. The question that ran frequent laps around my mind in the moment leading up to it was, What had he done? Had he seriously gone through with it? Had the guilt taken him after the event? Would I know this girl who he may have hurt, would she be as close as right down the street, or missing, possibly dead? Was he keeping a darker secret than anyone knew? I wanted to just throw the laptop back at my parents and call the police but doing my own research made me feel so empowered, something that I would live with the rest of my life, now that I truly knew my brother. And so I clicked.
“My question for the truly sick-minded: After a week of sitting and composing my first sexual encounter and what I wanted it to be like, who I wanted it to be with, etc. I’ve found the perfect victim. The fact that she’s so close to me and we’re alone most of the time just works but I still need some help planning this out so I can get away with it, all the good stuff that goes into it. I’ve decided that I’m going to plan it on my sister.”
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