Here’s the problem with chasing men.
In most parts of our modern lives, the hot pursuit strategy works pretty darn well.
Want that job? Get that job or forge your own path. Want that house? Save up and buy it for yourself. Want that man? Well… uhhhh….
It’s super tempting to fall into the trap of thinking that we should be able to make things happen in relationships the same way we do in the rest of our lives. Namely, Herculean effort.
Not only does extreme effort not work, but trying too hard is a quick way to completely sabotage things. One reason that pursuing men doesn’t work is that the energy of accomplishment and striving is masculine energy.
He can’t achieve if you march over, tell him he’s hot and announce that you want to see him next Tuesday at 8pm while thrusting your business card at him. There is no mystery. You’ve grabbed the masculine role in your interactions.
The second reason why pursuing men fails is that you launch yourself squarely into “here’s why you should like me” territory. You’re very innocently giving your power away and giving off a repellent, needy vibe.
I used to think that showing a man obvious interest by moving things along was confident, not needy. When I dug deeper, I realized that the reason this behavior is deemed “needy” is because I really wanted the guy to be interested in me! If a man rejected me, it ruined my whole day.
You know how it feels when someone is fishing for a compliment or wants your reassurance? You automatically resist. That’s neediness at work.
A man’s feelings can’t grow and intensify for you if you’re standing over him, hands-on-hips, wondering if he’s in love with you yet.
People want things that are precious and rare. And precious, you hardly look rare while you’re blowing up his phone and falling all over him trying to get a date or reassurance that he wants you.
Quitting the chase was like getting off the man drugs. Once I kicked the habit, I found that the quality of men who pursued me increased astronomically. The best part was that I no longer felt like I was begging anyone to notice me.
That’s a big payoff for changing my tactics.
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