Relationship – C’mon now. Single people of America, I’m sick of watching you mess this up. Allow me to offer simple ways you can fix it. A caveat: it took me about 10 years of dating somewhere around 100 women—numbers I take no pride in whatsoever—to find myself firmly in a relationship again.
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So, I’m clearly a deeply flawed person; and I don’t know what I’m doing any better than the next self-centered member of industrial society.
But, I am in a relationship, so that automatically makes me more clear-headed than you. There is no limit to stupid stuff you’ll do when you’re dating, and did you ever notice how the only sane people you meet are already taken?
Consider me your friend who had to work late, has thus shown up at the bar sober, and who is trying to talk you out of going home with Dracula — as mysterious and handsome as he is.
I’ll probably be drunk again myself tomorrow, and poised to do something equally as foolish. For now, just hear me out.
1. Stop looking for someone who “challenges” you
You hear it all of the time. “I want someone who challenges me.” This is usually code for wanting someone who fits a conventional and unimaginative definition of success—he’s a lawyer, she’s a doctor, he went to such and such Ivy league school; or, someone who can have a 3-hour debate about whether or not it’s politically correct to say a party was “crazy” (lest it minimize mental illness).
In my experience, these qualities should be red flags, rather than beacons. They have no substantive consequence on your long-term enjoyment of a person’s company. Those in the former camp tend to use their pursuit of socially-constructed goals as a shield from the discomfort of introspection, while those in the latter camp are looking for new ways to distract themselves from the present moment. (They’re also not fun at parties.)
If anything, look for someone who challenges you as a human. Someone whose attentiveness and consideration makes you call into question your own self-centered tendencies.
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