DESTROYING your life – The desire for sex is by far the most lucrative, sought after and abused desire of all. The internet is a double-edged sword. On one hand, it has revolutionized our world, allowing man to communicate, gain knowledge, save time, and entertain himself in ways our grandparents could only imagine in their wildest fantasies.
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On the other, it has become a conduit for some of the most primal desires and emotions we have as humans. Technology has also led many-especially the millennial generation to become absolutely dependent on it to fulfill these emotions.
Of all the desires that the internet fuels, the desire for sex is by far the most lucrative, sought after and abused desire of all.
Pornography is the king of the internet. The porn industry leads in revenue (with yearly revenues out-grossing global corporations), marketing (pioneering, setting the pace and writing the rules of digital marketing), and product innovation (any sexual desire that a human being can have, the porn industry can and will fulfill).
One of the most unfortunate byproducts of internet pornography is its debilitating effects on men. I spent 13 years of my young adult life addicted to pornography. While I didn’t watch it every day, I estimate that I spent over 20 hours a week on it.
These days, as an addiction recovery professional, I spend triple that amount of time each week working with men who are hooked on porn. Some are as young as sixteen, while others are in their sixties and still unable to get off pornography.
Make no assumptions — this is not a small sub section of men. There are literally thousands of men who struggle with quitting porn once it takes over their lives. While they are from different generations, all of them agree on one thing: a habit of consuming pornography online, once developed, it almost impossible to quit.
In my practice, I’ve noticed that the young men aged 16 to 35 who were full-blown porn addicts (spending more than 12 hours a week on pornography) had NO concept of what masculinity was.
When probed for an answer, their role as men in society was non-existent. At best, their main measure of manhood was how many women they could hook up with or the most attractive woman they could get into bed.
They had a rough idea of what masculinity entailed, but pornography and the habits associated with it had essentially erased the basic foundation of manhood for them. More alarmingly, porn was actually changing their brains and bodies for the worse.
Our fathers never had to deal with high-speed internet and the easy access to porn. Today, most children are exposed to pornography by the age of 8 and many of them are hooked on it by the time they are 12 years old.
I’m going to break down a few of the ways in which pornography erodes your masculinity.
1. Porn encourages self-gratification.
Delayed gratification is an essential skill to learn if one is to maintain control and direction in their life. Repeatedly giving in to the urge to watch pornography leads to a lack of ability to delay gratification. Your brain becomes more and more focused on the things you find pleasurable and the discipline of delayed gratification falls to the wayside.
It is no coincidence that men who are hooked on porn are usually underachieving in other areas of their lives.
Solution: Developing delayed gratification is one of the best gifts you can give yourself. There is a certain sense of superiority and confidence that comes with the realization that you have more control over your primal desires than the average man. Mastery of any worthwhile skill or habit leads to increased confidence. The ability to delay gratification is no different.